Paddy and Mick sat having a pint. A lorry goes past with rolls of turf on it.
Paddy says, “Im gonna do that when i win the lottery”.
Mick says, “What, drive a wagon?”
A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of no where, parks his bike and walks inside.
As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:
- COLD BEER: $2.00
- HAMBURGER: $2.25
- CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
- CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
- HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole’ biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.
She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.
“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, “may I help you?”
The ole biker leans over the bar, “I was wondering young lady,” he whispers, “are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”
She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs “Why yes, yes, I sure am”.
The Power of Alcohol
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
I was depressed last night so I called Samaritans.
There was this truck driver who was driving around looking for a hooker.
He stops at a junction and sees this really sexy blonde, so he picks her up and takes her to a really nice hotel.
They both lay on the bed and begin having sex. For some reason it was hurting to bad for him to stick his dick in her, so she tells him to hold on a second.