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A man and his wife were driving on the highway one night when he got pulled over by the cops for speeding.
The cop walks up and informs the man of his unlawful deed.
“I never speed,” says the man.
The wife chimes in, “Oh yes you do – all the time!”
A vicar and his friend are playing golf.
His friend misses a three foot putt and says, “Damn! missed the bugger!”
The vicar is shocked by his language and tells him that God will strike him down if he keeps on cursing.