Lifted …..

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Three Old Men …..

Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home.

“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old. You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!”

“Ah, that’s nothin’,” said the 70-year-old. “When you’re seventy, you can’t even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin’ comes out!”

“Actually,” said the 80-year-old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.”

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Politics …..

Little Johnny went up to his dad and asked, “Hey daddy, what’s politics?” 

His dad replied, “Son, I’m the breadwinner of the family, so we’ll call me Capitilism, your mother will be the Government, our nanny will be the working class, you will be the people, and your little baby brother will be the future. Now go to your room and think about what i said.”

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Deer Camp …..

A group of guys were all at deer camp and they had to bunk two to a room.

No one wanted to room with Steve because he snored so badly, they decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

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How to get away with being late …..

Leaving the poker party, late as usual, two friends compared notes. “I can never fool my wife,” the first complained. “I turn off the car’s engine and coast into the garage, take off my shoes, sneak upstairs, and undress in the bathroom. But she always wakes up and yells at me for being out so late and leaving her alone.”

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