Who said that?

It is near the end of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today.”

Timmy says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and will answer the question.”

Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”

Before Timmy can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”

Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.” Continue reading

Tim to the Rescue …..

Teacher asks “Tim, why is your cat at school today?”

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Stand If You’re a Moron …..

One day a college professor was greeting his new college class.

He stood up in front of the class and asked if anyone in the class was a moron, and if they were, they should stand.

After a minute a young man stood up. The professor then asked the kid if he actually thought he was a moron.

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I think you’re the Father of one of my kids …..

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.

She says, “Hello!”

He’s rather taken back because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, “Do you know me?”

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What is a Tragedy? …..

George W. Bush was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy.” So, George W. asked the class for an example of a tragedy.

One boy stood up and said, “If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy.”

“No,” said Bush, “that would be an accident.”

A girl raised her hand and said, “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” the President said. “That’s what we would call a Great Loss.”

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. President Bush searched the room and asked, “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”

Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet voice, he said, “If Air Force One, carrying Mr. and Mrs. Bush, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy.”

“That’s right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?” asked the President.

“Well,” Johnny said, “because it wouldn’t be an accident and it sure as hell wouldn’t be a Great Loss…”