Long range relationships …..

Bob joined in the army.

After 4 months of being in the army, his girlfriend sent him a letter saying she’d slept with 2 guys since he’d left and wanted to break-up and gor hime to return all the pictures he had of her.

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Deathbed Confession …..

A man was on his death bed in hospital, his wife at his bedside holding his hand.

The mans eyelids flickered open and he turned to his wife and said, “My dear wife, you have been loyal and kind to me, to my very deathbed. I wish I could say I was the same. I think you deserve to know that I have 3 other wives and 4 children which I have never told you about. And I came home late because I kept going to strip clubs.”

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You’ve gotta watch the quiet ones …..

A quiet young man from China  joined a prestigous university. Some students started bullying him but the Chinese man ignored them.

After a few months of jeering at him the students came to their senses and felt very guilty, so the students came to apologise.

“Listen dude, you’ve been acting really noble, and we’ve been acting like real bastards, we’re really sorry”.

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What happens when you get caught …..

A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis.

The patient’s girl friend had found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep.

I don’t know what’s worse:

1) Having your girl friend find out you’re married.

2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.

3) Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring