Three Little Ducks

….. go into a bar.

“Say, what’s your name?” the bartender asked the first duck.

“Huey,” was the reply.

“How’s your day been, Huey?”

“Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?” said Huey. Continue reading

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Todays bit of History

Don’t always bet on a certainty

A drunk man walked into a pub, walking upto the bar he told told the barman, “I’ll bet you £100 that I can bite my right eye.”

The barman grinned and said, “Okay, you’re on.” The drunk pulled out his right fake eye and bit it.

After more drinks the drunk said, “I bet you £200 I can bite my left eye.” The barman knew it could not be fake, so he said, “Okay.”The drunk pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

After a few more drinks, the drunk said, “I’ll bet you £500 that if you slide a glass down the bar, I can hop on each stool and pee in it without getting a drop on your bar.” The barman knew he could not do it so he said okay. The barman slid the glass as fast as he could.

The drunk jumped on stools and peed all over the bar. The barman jumped up and screamed in joy because he’d won £500. In the back he heard, a man yelling in frustration. He asked the man why he was screaming?

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The Toast

Pat O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me lovely wife!” That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night! All the guys in the bar laughed.

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night. “She said, “Aye, what was your toast?” Pat said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

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The Effects of Alcohol

The Power of Alcohol

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

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The Toast …..

Pat O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me lovely wife!” That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night! All the guys in the bar laughed.

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night. “She said, “Aye, what was your toast?” Pat said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh that is very nice indeed, Pat!” Mary said.

Continue reading