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The Nudist Colony

A elderly man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, did you call for me?” The man replied, “No, what do you mean?” She said, “You must be new here. Let me explain. It’s a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.” Smiling, she lead him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony’s facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him. “Did you call for me?” asked the hairy man. “No, what do you mean?” replied the newcomer. “You must be new.” answered the hairy man, “It’s a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.” The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer. The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, “May I help you?” she asked. “Here’s my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.” “But, Sir,” she replied, “you’ve only been here a few hours. You haven’t had a chance to see all our facilities.”

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100 Year Old Twins

Twin sisters in were turning one hundred years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get and take pictures of the two 100-year-old twins.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well. Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.

The deaf sister said to her twin, “What did he say?”

“We’ve got to sit on the sofa!”, said the other.

“Now get a little closer together,” said the cameraman.

Again, “What did he say?”

“He said to squeeze together a little.”

So they wiggled up close to each other. “Just hold on for a bit longer, I’ve got to focus a little,” said the photographer.

Yet again, “What did he say?”

“He says he’s going to focus!”

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