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The Dangers of Hunting …..

A couple of Irishmen are out hunting in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, and then a shot is heard.

The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”

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The Old Wild West …..

In the days of the old Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn’t yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.

Sitting in the saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar that, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took the seat next to the old guy.

“Do you think you could give me some tips?” he asked.

The old man looked him up and down and said, “Well, fer one thing, yer wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a lil’ lower down on your leg.”

“Will that make me a better gunfighter?” asked the young man.

“Sure will,” said the old-timer.

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot The bow tie off the piano player.

“That’s terrific!” he yelled, “Got any More tips for me?”

“Yep,” said the old man, “Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That’ll give you a smoother draw.”

“Will that make me a better gunfighter?” asked the younger man.

“You bet it will,” said the old-timer. The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and shot a cuff link off the piano player.

“Wow!” said the cowboy, “I’m learnin’ somethin’ here. Got any more tips?”

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. “See that Axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.”

The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.

“No,” said the old-timer, “I mean smear it all over the gun, grip and all.”

“Will that make me a better gunfighter?” asked the young man.

“No,” said the old timer, “but when Wyatt Earp finishes playin’ the piano, he’s going to shove that gun up your ass, and it won’t hurt as much.”