Rabid Dogs are Useful …..

One autumn day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.

Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. “My wife,” the man replied.

“I’m sorry,” said Bill, “What happened to her?”

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A Doctors Funeral …..

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart, covered in flowers, stood behind the casket during the service.

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Do you believe in the afterlife?

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. He told his wife, “When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.” And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a minute!”

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, “Girl, I know you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.” The loyal wife replied, “Listen, I’m a Christian, I can’t go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”“You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?”

“I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it.”

Wrong Email Address …..

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife
Subject: I’ve arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

Even blonde guys can be dumb ………….

There was a Mexican, Italian, and a blond guy and they were all electricians and they were on a 20 story high building. It was time for them to go to lunch. The Mexican opened his lunchbox and found a burrito and says if I find another burrito in my lunch tomorrow I’m going to jump off this building to my death. The Italian guy finds cabbage in his lunch box and says the same thing as the Mexican said. The blond finds a tuna sandwich and says I’m going to jump off too if I find another tuna sandwich again.

It was the next day and it was time for lunch and the Mexican opens his lunch and finds a burrito and jumps off the building. The Italian finds cabbage in his lunch again and jumps off also. The blond guy finds a tuna sandwich and jumps off too.

At the funeral the Mexicans wife is crying and she says if only I knew he did’t like burritos I wouldn’t of made it. They all look at the Italian guys wife and she is crying and says if only I knew he didn’t like cabbage I wouldn’t of made it. When they look at the blond guys wife she is not crying and she says don’t look at me he makes his own lunch.