The Koala and the Lizard

A koala was sitting in a gum tree… smoking a joint…

when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, ‘Hey Koala! What are you doing?’

The koala said, ‘Smoking a joint, come up and have some.’

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. Continue reading

Sniffer

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a ‘sniffing dog’. “His name is Sniffer and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.” The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the agent said, “Watch this.” He told Sniffer to “search”. Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.

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Advice Column …..

A lady writes in to her local newspaper’s advice column:

‘Hi, I think that my son might have a marijuana plant growing in my kitchen. What should I do?’

The next day, the answer was posted in the paper:

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Circular Logic …..

Two men are in court on drug charges. The judge says, “If, over the weekend, you can persuade enough people to give up drugs, I’ll let you two off.”

Back in court on Monday, the judge asks for their results.

“I persuaded 10 people to give up drugs forever,” the first man says.

“That’s great,” the judge replies. “What did you tell them?”

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Sniffer …..

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a ‘sniffing dog’. “His name is Sniffer and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.”

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Tennis Elbow …..

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.”

“Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money, ” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer’ll tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars…a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor.”

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

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