I sat there with a smile on my face as my girlfriend wrapped her hand around it and started to tug at it.
An even bigger smile when she gave it a little wiggle and started moving it around.
I couldn’t contain myself when she started using two hands, so I eventually cried out:
A man and his wife were driving on the highway one night when he got pulled over by the cops for speeding.
The cop walks up and informs the man of his unlawful deed.
“I never speed,” says the man.
The wife chimes in, “Oh yes you do – all the time!”
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Enter to see cartoon.
A female police office pulls a man on suspiscion of drink driving.
A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company’s fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?” asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the…”
“I didn’t ask for any details”, the lawyer interrupted. “Just answer the question, please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’?”
Clyde said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road….”
The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie”.
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. “Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, “How are you feeling?” “Now tell me, what the f*#k would you say?”
A man in a taxi taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams bloody murder, loses control of the cab, and swerves onto the sidewalk before stopping just inches from a lamppost.
After checking to make sure the passenger is OK, the driver says, “I’m sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.”
“Sorry. I didn’t realize a simple tap on the shoulder would freak you out so much,” the passenger says.
“It’s not your fault,” replies the cabbie. “Today is my first day on the job after 25 years of driving a hearse.”
Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, A state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks To himself, “This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!”
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching The car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies – two in the Front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t Understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to Be the problem?” The trooper trying to contain a chuckle, Explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed Limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the Officer for pointing out her error. “But before you go, Ma’am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem Awfully shaken.”
“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 127!”