The Koala and the Lizard

A koala was sitting in a gum tree… smoking a joint…

when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, ‘Hey Koala! What are you doing?’

The koala said, ‘Smoking a joint, come up and have some.’

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. Continue reading

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The Toast …..

Pat O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me lovely wife!” That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night! All the guys in the bar laughed.

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night. “She said, “Aye, what was your toast?” Pat said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh that is very nice indeed, Pat!” Mary said.

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Angry Husband …..

A man and his wife were driving on the highway one night when he got pulled over by the cops for speeding.

The cop walks up and informs the man of his unlawful deed.

“I never speed,” says the man.

The wife chimes in, “Oh yes you do – all the time!”

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The Pilot and the Intercom (Version 1) …..

A man is sitting on a plane when he hears an announcement over the PA from the pilot, “Hello Folks. We are about two hours from our destination. The local time there is 3:46 and the weather is clear and sunny.”

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The Smart and the Stupid

A young man was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neck ties laid out on it. The younger man asked “Please, I’m dying of thirst, can I have some water?” Continue reading