A new anti-depressant has been released for lesbians. Continue reading
A woman & a baby visit the doctors.
The doctor is concerned about the baby’s weight. “Is he bottle or breast-fed?” he asks.
“Breast-fed?” says the woman.
He asks her to strip to the waist, pinches & sucks her nipples & rubs both tits for a while, “No wonder he’s under weight you’ve no milk”.
A little old man totters into a chemist for some viagra. Continue reading
These are sentences exactly as typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow
Mick walks into Paddy’s barn and catches him dancing naked and masturbating in front of a tractor.
Mick says ‘Bloody hell Paddy, what ya doing?’
Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical.
A few days later the doctor phones.
“Paddy,” he says “you’ve got sugar diabetes”.
While in China , an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with purple spots.. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, ‘I’ve got bad news for you — you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it.’
The man looks a little perplexed and says: ‘Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.’
The doctor answers: ‘I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.’
The man screams in horror, ‘Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.’
The doctor replies: ‘Well, it’s your choice.. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice.’
The next day the man seeks out a Chinese doctor figuring that he’ll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: ‘Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease.’
The guy says to the doctor: ‘Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!’
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: ‘Stupid American doctors, always want to operate. Make more money that way. No need to operate!’
‘Oh, Thank God!’ the man replies.
‘ Yes,’ says the Chinese doctor, ‘You no worry! Wait two weeks. Fall off by itself.
A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The receptionist said, “Yes, sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?”
He replied, “There’s something wrong with my dick.”
The receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.” Continue reading
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