Fun in the woods

Alfie sees his Dad’s car drive passed the playground and go into the woods.

Curious, he follows the car and sees hid Dad and Aunt Jackie kissing.

Alfie finds this ever so exciting and  runs home and to tell hs mum.

Breathlessly he cries out ,”Mummy, mummy, I was at the playground and Daddy and ….”

His mum tells his to slow down, as she want s to hear the full story.

So Alfie tells her. “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy and Aunt Jackie in Daddy’s car go into the woods. I went to look and I saw Daddy giving Aunt Jackie a big kiss, then Daddy helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jackie helped Daddy take his trousers down, then Aunt Jackie climbed into the back f the car and laid down, then Daddy….”

At this point, his Mum interrupted him and said, “Alfie, this is such an interesting story, why don’t we save the rest of it for dinner time so we can see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.”

So later, at dinner, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story.

Continue reading

Don’t wait up

A maths teacher texts his wife;

Dear wife you are 54 yrs old and you can no longer satisfy my needs, so when you get this I shall be in a Motel with my 22yo assistant. I’m sorry I will be home late.

His wife sends him a reply; Continue reading

What’s your name?

A lady goes on a holiday to the Caribbean. There she meets an attractive, muscular black man, and spends the two weeks have hot, rampant sex with him.

As the holiday draws to a close she turns to him and says, “You know what I never asked you what your name was?”

He replies, “My name is Snow”.

She begins to laugh and he says, “What is so funny?” Continue reading

The Robot Lie Detector

John was a salesman’s delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

‘Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?’ asked John.

‘Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,’ said Tommy.

The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. Continue reading

The Poker Player

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob’s wife, Sandra, wasn’t wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob’s wife followed and asked, “Did you see anything that you like under there?” Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, “Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500.’ Continue reading