Don’t always bet on a certainty

A drunk man walked into a pub, walking upto the bar he told told the barman, “I’ll bet you £100 that I can bite my right eye.”

The barman grinned and said, “Okay, you’re on.” The drunk pulled out his right fake eye and bit it.

After more drinks the drunk said, “I bet you £200 I can bite my left eye.” The barman knew it could not be fake, so he said, “Okay.”The drunk pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

After a few more drinks, the drunk said, “I’ll bet you £500 that if you slide a glass down the bar, I can hop on each stool and pee in it without getting a drop on your bar.” The barman knew he could not do it so he said okay. The barman slid the glass as fast as he could.

The drunk jumped on stools and peed all over the bar. The barman jumped up and screamed in joy because he’d won £500. In the back he heard, a man yelling in frustration. He asked the man why he was screaming?

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Fasted Turtle in the West …..

A guy walks into a bar with his pet turtle in his hand. The bartender takes a look at the turtle and sees that its all scratched up, duct tape on its shell and a brace around its neck.

The guy takes a look under the bar and sees that the bartender has a springer spaniel. So the guy says to the bartender, “I’ll bet you $50 that my turtle can beat your dog in a race.”

The bartender looks again at the beaten up turtle and says, “Look, man, there’s no way! That turtle doesn’t stand a chance.” But the man insisted and the bartender took the bet thinking it would be an easy $50.

The guy counted down from 5, “5, 4, 3, 2, 1…”

When he yelled go, the bartender released his dog right as the guy chucked his turtle at the wall.

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