Don’t always bet on a certainty

A drunk man walked into a pub, walking upto the bar he told told the barman, “I’ll bet you £100 that I can bite my right eye.”

The barman grinned and said, “Okay, you’re on.” The drunk pulled out his right fake eye and bit it.

After more drinks the drunk said, “I bet you £200 I can bite my left eye.” The barman knew it could not be fake, so he said, “Okay.”The drunk pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

After a few more drinks, the drunk said, “I’ll bet you £500 that if you slide a glass down the bar, I can hop on each stool and pee in it without getting a drop on your bar.” The barman knew he could not do it so he said okay. The barman slid the glass as fast as he could.

The drunk jumped on stools and peed all over the bar. The barman jumped up and screamed in joy because he’d won £500. In the back he heard, a man yelling in frustration. He asked the man why he was screaming?

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The Biker

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of no where, parks his bike and walks inside.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

  • COLD BEER: $2.00
  • HAMBURGER: $2.25
  • HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole’ biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.

She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.

“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, “may I help you?”

The ole biker leans over the bar, “I was wondering young lady,” he whispers, “are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs “Why yes, yes, I sure am”.

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Poor Old Bob

Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he’s pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to the local strip club for some fun.

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The Effects of Alcohol

The Power of Alcohol

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

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Three little words …..

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her.

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The Nun and the Fig Leaf …..

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant.

The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, “May I please use the restroom?”

The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”

“Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun.

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The Drinking Pig …..

A pig walks into a bar and orders a drink and downs it. He gets a refill and he drinks it just as fast. This goes on for a while, with the pig downing shot after shot.

The bartender couldn’t help himself but ask, “How can you drink all that without having to go to the bathroom?”

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