US/UK Relations

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The Purple Spotted Penis

While in China , an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with purple spots.. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, ‘I’ve got bad news for you — you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it.’

The man looks a little perplexed and says: ‘Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.’

The doctor answers: ‘I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.’

The man screams in horror, ‘Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.’

The doctor replies: ‘Well, it’s your choice.. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice.’

The next day the man seeks out a Chinese doctor figuring that he’ll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: ‘Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease.’

The guy says to the doctor: ‘Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!’

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: ‘Stupid American doctors, always want to operate. Make more money that way. No need to operate!’

‘Oh, Thank God!’ the man replies.

‘ Yes,’ says the Chinese doctor, ‘You no worry! Wait two weeks. Fall off by itself.

The LAPD and the Rabbit …..

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

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You’ve gotta watch the quiet ones …..

A quiet young man from China  joined a prestigous university. Some students started bullying him but the Chinese man ignored them.

After a few months of jeering at him the students came to their senses and felt very guilty, so the students came to apologise.

“Listen dude, you’ve been acting really noble, and we’ve been acting like real bastards, we’re really sorry”.

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Where are you from? …..

Old Mr. John was retiring. At his retirement party, he was given a duck hunting license for every state in the country.

A few weeks after his retirement, he decided to go hunting.

He had a few ducks from a few different states in a bag when the game warden stopped him.

“Let’s see what’s in the bag,” he said. Mr. John opened it. The warden pulled out the first duck.

He stuck his finger up its butt, pulled it out, tasted it, and said, “I think this here’s a Georgia duck.” “It is sir,” replied Mr. John. “Do you have a Georgia license?” “Yes sir.” He pulled out his license and showed him.

The warden took the next duck. He repeated the same procedure. “I think this here’s a Tennessee duck.” “Yes sir.” “Got a Tennessee license?” “Right here,sir.”

He repeated the procedure yet again. “This an Alabama duck?” “Sure is.” “License?” “Right here.”

“You sure do have a lot of licenses. Where you from?”

He dropped his pants and said, “I don’t know. You tell me.”