Bodily functions …..

A little boy and a little girl, both about eight years old,were playing in the sandbox. Unexpectedly, the little boy farts, causing a little sand between his legs to shift. The little girl notices, and squeals with laughter.

“How’d you do that?” she asks.

“Easy,” he exclaimed, “I just farted.”

“Can I try it?,” she asks. “Sure,” he says, “anybody can do it.”

She concentrates as she strains and grunts. Suddenly, there’s a huge explosion, the sides of the sandbox fly off, all the sand flies out, and the little boy is thrown 20 feet, landing up against a tree.

He groggily gets to his feet, runs back to where the little girl is.

He finds her laying on the ground, out cold, flat on her back,spread eagle. Curiously, he lifts up her dress, peeks underneath, and loudly exclaims,

Just what I thought, dual exhaust!”

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What is a Tragedy? …..

George W. Bush was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy.” So, George W. asked the class for an example of a tragedy.

One boy stood up and said, “If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy.”

“No,” said Bush, “that would be an accident.”

A girl raised her hand and said, “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” the President said. “That’s what we would call a Great Loss.”

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. President Bush searched the room and asked, “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”

Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet voice, he said, “If Air Force One, carrying Mr. and Mrs. Bush, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy.”

“That’s right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?” asked the President.

“Well,” Johnny said, “because it wouldn’t be an accident and it sure as hell wouldn’t be a Great Loss…”

The Mechanical arm …..

A man lost both arms and was fitted with a voice activated mechanical arm and hand. It was programmed to do whatever the man said.

One day in a bar, he went to the washroom to relieve himself. “Pull down my zipper.” and the arm and hand pulled down the zipper. “Take out my penis and hold it while I pee.” The arm followed the instruction.

Once finished and realizing he was alone in the washroom,and wanting some masterbation time, he said, “Ok, arm jerk it off!”

The arm yanked off his penis and left the man in extreme pain.

He screamed “Fuck Me!” The arm took the penis and shoved it up his rear end over and over again.

The man yelled, ” Cocksucker!………”