A man has been found dead in a river this morning wearing an England Football shirt, women’s knickers, fishnet stockings, suspenders, a blow up doll attached to his penis and a dildo inserted in his anus. Continue reading
Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.
Mick walks in and asks, “How you doin?”
“Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing.”
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy’s gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying on the bed.
Seeing an opportunity, he says, “Your dad’s sent me up here to have sex with both of you.”
They say, “Get away with ya Mick…. prove it.” Continue reading
I hate women that wear stupid amounts of make-up.
My wife has just the right amount of foundation on her face.
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a ‘sniffing dog’. “His name is Sniffer and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.” The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the agent said, “Watch this.” He told Sniffer to “search”. Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, “Oh my god, help me, there’s a bee in my vagina!”.
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said, “Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit”.
The Power of Alcohol
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
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