American Dad

You want me to make you happy with my mouth?

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Very Puzzling

A blonde girl decides to do a puzzle, so she grabs the puzzle and pours out all the pieces and tries to put it together….

After a while of trying she gets frustrated and calls her boyfriend…

He says, ” Honey whats wrong?”

“I’m trying to put this puzzle together but I can’t do it”.

“Well look at the picture in the front and tell me what it looks like”.

“Okay… well the background is blue and there is a tiger on it”.

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Morals

A third grade teacher asked her class to come back the next day with a story that you can attach a moral to.

The next day,the first little girl went to the front. “Me and my daddy run a farm and when we went to sell our eggs the basket tipped over and we lost all our eggs. my moral:don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”

A little boy came to the front. “Me and my dad run a farm too,and only six of the twelve eggs hatched in the incubator.my morel:don’t count your chickens before they hatch.”

A second little girl came up and said: “My uncle Eddie was a fighter pilot in Vietnam, and was shot down over enemy territory. All he had floating down was a bottle of whiskey,a machine gun,and a machette. He drank the whiskey to not waste it and landed in the middle of a hundred vietnamese soldiers. He killed seventy with the machine gun,twenty with the machette before it broke,and ten with his bare hands.”

“O my god! How does that have a moral to it?”her teacher asked.

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Don’t always believe what you see

One night a man picked-up a prostitute. “How much for a hand job?” he enquired. “£100” was the reply. “Wow! That’s expensive?!?” The prostitute said, “See that Benz over there? I got that for giving hand jobs.” He said,”Woah! It must be a hell of a hand job! OK! let’s have it then.”

After a few minutes…

“That was great! How much for a blow job?” “£500” stated the prostitute. “Wow! That expensive?!?” he said. “See that house over there? I got that for giving blow jobs” said the prostitute. “Woah! It must be a hell of a blow job! OK! let’s have it then.”

After a few minutes…

The man gasped, “That was fantastic! How much for the pussy?” The prostitute replied, “See that bridge over there?” The man said, “Woah! You got that from giving pleasure with your pussy?”

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