You want me to make you happy with my mouth?
The Freakin’ FCC.
A blonde girl decides to do a puzzle, so she grabs the puzzle and pours out all the pieces and tries to put it together….
After a while of trying she gets frustrated and calls her boyfriend…
He says, ” Honey whats wrong?”
“I’m trying to put this puzzle together but I can’t do it”.
“Well look at the picture in the front and tell me what it looks like”.
“Okay… well the background is blue and there is a tiger on it”.
How I Met Your Mother.
Who’s on First
A third grade teacher asked her class to come back the next day with a story that you can attach a moral to.
The next day,the first little girl went to the front. “Me and my daddy run a farm and when we went to sell our eggs the basket tipped over and we lost all our eggs. my moral:don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”
A little boy came to the front. “Me and my dad run a farm too,and only six of the twelve eggs hatched in the incubator.my morel:don’t count your chickens before they hatch.”
A second little girl came up and said: “My uncle Eddie was a fighter pilot in Vietnam, and was shot down over enemy territory. All he had floating down was a bottle of whiskey,a machine gun,and a machette. He drank the whiskey to not waste it and landed in the middle of a hundred vietnamese soldiers. He killed seventy with the machine gun,twenty with the machette before it broke,and ten with his bare hands.”
“O my god! How does that have a moral to it?”her teacher asked.
One night a man picked-up a prostitute. “How much for a hand job?” he enquired. “£100” was the reply. “Wow! That’s expensive?!?” The prostitute said, “See that Benz over there? I got that for giving hand jobs.” He said,”Woah! It must be a hell of a hand job! OK! let’s have it then.”
After a few minutes…
“That was great! How much for a blow job?” “£500” stated the prostitute. “Wow! That expensive?!?” he said. “See that house over there? I got that for giving blow jobs” said the prostitute. “Woah! It must be a hell of a blow job! OK! let’s have it then.”
After a few minutes…
The man gasped, “That was fantastic! How much for the pussy?” The prostitute replied, “See that bridge over there?” The man said, “Woah! You got that from giving pleasure with your pussy?”
Enter to see picture.
A elderly man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, did you call for me?” The man replied, “No, what do you mean?” She said, “You must be new here. Let me explain. It’s a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.” Smiling, she lead him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.
Later, the man continued to explore the colony’s facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him. “Did you call for me?” asked the hairy man. “No, what do you mean?” replied the newcomer. “You must be new.” answered the hairy man, “It’s a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.” The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer. The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, “May I help you?” she asked. “Here’s my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.” “But, Sir,” she replied, “you’ve only been here a few hours. You haven’t had a chance to see all our facilities.”
One winter morning at breakfast a couple was listening to the radio. They heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.” The wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer said, “We are expecting 10-12 inches of snow today, you will need to move your car to the odd-numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through.” So the wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week, while they were eating breakfast, the radio announcer said, “We are expecting 12-14 inches of snow today and you must park…” Then the power went off! The wife was very upset. With a worried look on her face she said, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street am I supposed to park on?”