The Doctors Waiting Room

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The receptionist said, “Yes, sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?”

He replied, “There’s something wrong with my dick.”

The receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.” Continue reading

Stand up – Dara O’Briain

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Smart assed kid

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?” Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”

Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.

She agreed. Continue reading

The Poker Player

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob’s wife, Sandra, wasn’t wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob’s wife followed and asked, “Did you see anything that you like under there?” Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, “Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500.’ Continue reading

Who said that?

It is near the end of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today.”

Timmy says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and will answer the question.”

Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”

Before Timmy can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”

Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.” Continue reading