Lifted …..

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Three Old Men …..

Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home.

“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old. You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!”

“Ah, that’s nothin’,” said the 70-year-old. “When you’re seventy, you can’t even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin’ comes out!”

“Actually,” said the 80-year-old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.”

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Biting Breasts …..

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, “Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?

“Are you nuts?!!” she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

“Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” he asks again.

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Insects …..

A boy and his father were playing ball in the front yard when the boy saw a honeybee. He ran over and stomped it.

“Don’t do that, that was a honeybee,” his father said, “he wasn’t doing anything to you. For killing him you will do without honey for a week.”

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In Love …..

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says “Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.”

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, “Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?”

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies “In Jenny’s room. It’s bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.”

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