A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder. Looking up, he sees that the ladder disappears into the clouds. Curious, he begins to climb.
Before long, he is in the clouds. He looks around and sees the most horribly ugly woman he has ever seen in his life. Obese, snaggle-toothed, matted hair….. She looks at him, beckons, and says, “Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success.” Well, having no intention of doing anything with this woman, the man climbs higher up the ladder.
Old Mr. John was retiring. At his retirement party, he was given a duck hunting license for every state in the country.
A few weeks after his retirement, he decided to go hunting.
He had a few ducks from a few different states in a bag when the game warden stopped him.
“Let’s see what’s in the bag,” he said. Mr. John opened it. The warden pulled out the first duck.
He stuck his finger up its butt, pulled it out, tasted it, and said, “I think this here’s a Georgia duck.” “It is sir,” replied Mr. John. “Do you have a Georgia license?” “Yes sir.” He pulled out his license and showed him.
The warden took the next duck. He repeated the same procedure. “I think this here’s a Tennessee duck.” “Yes sir.” “Got a Tennessee license?” “Right here,sir.”
He repeated the procedure yet again. “This an Alabama duck?” “Sure is.” “License?” “Right here.”
“You sure do have a lot of licenses. Where you from?”
He dropped his pants and said, “I don’t know. You tell me.”
A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, “What’s this, Paw?”The father responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don’t know what it is!”
While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.
The father turned to his son and said, “Go get your maw!”