One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife.
The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. “How do I get him to sing?” The young man asked, excitedly.
“Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet.” was the shop owner’s reply. The shop owner then lit a match under the parrot’s left foot and Chet began to sing: “Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! …” The shop owner then held another match under the parrot’s right foot. Then Chet’s tune changed, and the air was filled with: ” Silent Night. Holy Night…”
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm.
A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder. Looking up, he sees that the ladder disappears into the clouds. Curious, he begins to climb.
Before long, he is in the clouds. He looks around and sees the most horribly ugly woman he has ever seen in his life. Obese, snaggle-toothed, matted hair….. She looks at him, beckons, and says, “Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success.” Well, having no intention of doing anything with this woman, the man climbs higher up the ladder.