Curing a cough …..

The owner of this drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.

The owner asks the new clerk: “What’s with the guy over there by the wall?”

The new clerk responds: “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough.I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative”

The owner, wide-eyed and excited shouts: “You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!”

The new clerk calmly responds: “Of course you can!, Look at him, he’s afraid to cough.”

Bastard …….

A judge working a double-murder case tells the defendant, “You’re charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.”

“You bastard!” yells a voice from the back of the courtroom.

“You’re also charged with killing your mother-in-law with a hammer,” says the judge.

“Bastard!” the same person yells.

The judge addresses the man sitting in the back of the courtroom.“Sir, one more outburst and I’ll charge you with contempt.”

“I’m sorry, Your Honour,” says the man. “But I’ve been this bastard’s neighbour for 10 years, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one.”