Two Nuns …..

Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are travelling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield. “Quick, quick!” shouts Sister Catherine. “What shall we do?”

“Turn the windshields wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination,” says Sister Helen. Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. “What shall I do now?” she shouts.

“Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican,” says Sister Helen. Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

“Now what?” shouts Sister Catherine.

“Show him your cross,” says Sister Helen. “Now you’re talking,” says Sister Catherine.

She opens the window and shouts, “Get the fuck off the Car!”

The Priest

A priest in a small rural town was very fond of the 10 chickens and 1 handsome cock he kept in a hen house behind the rectory.

One Saturday night, the priest discovered that the cock rooster was missing. At the same time the priest heard rumors of cockfights being held in town. Shocked and dismayed, he decided to say something during Sunday Mass.

During Mass, he asked the congregation, “Who among you will confess to sporting a handsome cock?” All the men stood up.

No, No”, he said. “That’s not what I mean. Who among you will confess to having seen a handsome cock?” All the women stood up.

“Oh no!” he said. “That’s not what I mean, either. Who among you will confess to having seen a cock that doesn’t belong to you?” Half the women stood up.

“Oh Lord,” he said. “Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody seen my cock?” All the choirboys stood up..