The Naked Truth …..
June 20, 2008
This guy is having an affair with a married woman and her husband comes home early from work one day. She jumps up and tells the man to go into the bathroom to hide. Just as he gets in the bathroom and she hides his clothes under the bed, the husband opens the door and comes in. He asks, ”What the hell are you doing?”
Thinking quickly, the wife says, ”Uhm…waiting for you.”
The suspicious husband looks at her in disbelief and says, ”But you’re naked.”
Toothbrushes …..
April 8, 2008
There was a toothbrush company and it had 3 salesmen. At the end of each day the boss would ask them how many toothbrushes they’d sold.
The first said that he sold 500 toothbrushes, the second said that he sold 550 toothbrushes and the third said that he sold 25 toothbrushes.
The boss says “Im sorry, thats not enough. Your fired.”
The salesman asked for one more chance. The boss says “Fine, I will give you one more chance.” The third worker says thank you and leaves.
30 Years of Marriage …..
February 4, 2008
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Father Christmas to the Rescue …..
December 25, 2007
A really hot beautiful blonde was about to jump off a bridge to kill herself. As she got ready to jump, Father Christmas came walking down and he said, “Now hold up a minute young lady, step down from there. I am the real Father Christmas.”
Surprised, she stepped down and said, “What?”
Father Christmas said, “This may sound weird, but I am the real Father Christmas. I am allowed to make one surprise visit per Christmas, and you looked like you needed a little help. What’s wrong?”
She said, “I have been working at my job for 3 great years and I got fired today. I thought to myself, whatever doesn’t kill me can make me stronger. So I went home to my great husband of 5 years only to find him in bed with my best friend! So I said to myself, ‘I lost my job, my boyfriend and my best friend, I have nothing else to live for!’”
Where are you from? …..
December 13, 2007
Old Mr. John was retiring. At his retirement party, he was given a duck hunting license for every state in the country.
A few weeks after his retirement, he decided to go hunting.
He had a few ducks from a few different states in a bag when the game warden stopped him.
“Let’s see what’s in the bag,” he said. Mr. John opened it. The warden pulled out the first duck.
He stuck his finger up its butt, pulled it out, tasted it, and said, “I think this here’s a Georgia duck.” “It is sir,” replied Mr. John. “Do you have a Georgia license?” “Yes sir.” He pulled out his license and showed him.
The warden took the next duck. He repeated the same procedure. “I think this here’s a Tennessee duck.” “Yes sir.” “Got a Tennessee license?” “Right here,sir.”
He repeated the procedure yet again. “This an Alabama duck?” “Sure is.” “License?” “Right here.”
“You sure do have a lot of licenses. Where you from?”
He dropped his pants and said, “I don’t know. You tell me.”
The Bellboy …..
November 6, 2007
Three couples got married and spent their honeymoons at the same hotel, where they were all attended to by Jeff the Bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Jeff showed them to their room, all the while thinking to himself, “Lucky guy! Nurses are known to be hot to trot.” The second man married a telephone operator. Jeff showed them to their room, while thinking to himself, “Wow, he’s one lucky dude. Telephone operators have such sexy voices and once you pop that top button… Va-voom.” The third man married a school teacher. Jeff showed them to their room and thought to himself, “Poor sap. She may be pretty, but teachers are way too frigid.”
At 5:30 the following morning, Jeff reported to work. He expected the teacher’s husband to call for breakfast any minute, but was sure the other two wouldn’t call until much later in the day.
The phone rang at 6 a.m. and it was the nurse’s husband wanting breakfast. Jeff took breakfast up to the room and when the husband opened the door, Jeff stepped back in shock. The man’s pyjamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed. “Sir, what happened?” asked Jeff. “You married a nurse.” “Son, don’t ever marry a nurse,” the man sourly replied. “All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying, ‘You’re not sanitary, you’re not sanitary’.”
The phone rang again at 6:30 a.m. and this time it was the telephone operator’s husband calling for breakfast. Jeff took it to the room as quickly as possible. When the man opened the door, Jeff stepped back in shock. The man’s hair was neatly combed and his pajamas nicely pressed. “What happened?” Jeff asked with surprise. “Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as their voices.” “Son, don’t ever marry a telephone operator,” the man groaned. “All I heard last night was Her nasal voice saying, ‘Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up’.” Jeff returned to his desk, sure that the teacher’s husband would be calling at any moment.
Finally, at 4 p.m., the teacher’s husband called for breakfast. Jeff couldn’t believe it, but quickly took the breakfast to the couple’s room. When the man opened the door, Jeff stepped back in shock. The man was wearing only a pair of boxers, his hair was a mess, and there were Scratches all over his chest, arms and legs. “My goodness sir, what happened to you?” Jeff asked, fearing the worst. “Did you have a fight?” The man, grinning from ear to ear, happily replied, “No. Son, when you marry be sure it’s to a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy, smooth voice saying, ‘We’re going to do this over, and over, and over again, until we get it right’.”
