The Nun and the Fig Leaf …..

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant.

The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, “May I please use the restroom?”

The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”

“Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun.

The Confessional …..

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, ‘I almost had an affair with another woman.’

The priest said, ‘What do you mean, almost?’

The Irishman said, ‘Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.’

The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put €50 in the poor box .’

Judgement Day …..

Enter to see Picture.

Twelve Priests …..

Twelve Catholic priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The Vicar …..

A vicar and his friend are playing golf.

His friend misses a three foot putt and says, “Damn! missed the bugger!”

The vicar is shocked by his language and tells him that God will strike him down if he keeps on cursing.

One for St Patrick’s Day ….

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.

The Father said, “Top O’ the mornin’ to ye! Aren’t ye Mrs. Donovan and didn’t I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?”

She replied, “Aye, that ye did, Father.” The Father asked, “And be there any wee little ones yet?”

She replied, “No, not yet, Father.”

The Priest & the Nun …..

A catholic priest and a nun were in the desert when their camel suddenly collapsed and died leaving them stranded.

After several hours of walking in the intense heating and seemingly getting no-where, the nun asked the priest if he had any last wishes.