Who’s the boss? …..

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, “Here, put these on.”

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.

“I can’t wear your trousers.” she said.

“That’s right,” said the husband, “and don’t you ever forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family.”

With that she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.”

Public Embarrasment …..

An old lady went to her doctor asking for help with her sex life.

“Why don’t you just give your husband a viagra?” asked the doctor.

“He wont even take an asprin he hates pills”, the old lady replied. 

“Just put it in his coffee he will never know. Come back in a week and tell me how things went.”

No Screwing!!! …..

A married couple has been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there.

“Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts.”

Rabid Dogs are Useful …..

One autumn day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.

Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. “My wife,” the man replied.

“I’m sorry,” said Bill, “What happened to her?”

Angry Husband …..

A man and his wife were driving on the highway one night when he got pulled over by the cops for speeding.

The cop walks up and informs the man of his unlawful deed.

“I never speed,” says the man.

The wife chimes in, “Oh yes you do – all the time!”

Wedding Anniversary Gift …..

A guy was driving home late one night when he remembered that it was his wedding anniversary. Having bought nothing he urgently searched for any gift to give his wife. He had been driving around quite some time and being late at night he could find nothing open.

One for St Patrick’s Day ….

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.

The Father said, “Top O’ the mornin’ to ye! Aren’t ye Mrs. Donovan and didn’t I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?”

She replied, “Aye, that ye did, Father.” The Father asked, “And be there any wee little ones yet?”

She replied, “No, not yet, Father.”