The Naked Truth …..

This guy is having an affair with a married woman and her husband comes home early from work one day. She jumps up and tells the man to go into the bathroom to hide. Just as he gets in the bathroom and she hides his clothes under the bed, the husband opens the door and comes in. He asks, ”What the hell are you doing?”

Thinking quickly, the wife says, ”Uhm…waiting for you.”

The suspicious husband looks at her in disbelief and says, ”But you’re naked.”

Another Funny Beer Ad …..

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Second Opinion …..

This one guy has a wife who he’s shared great sex with for years. He decides that to check if his wife really is the sex goddess he believes her to be, and decides to have sex with 5 of the best prostitutes in the area to see if they are better or worse than his wife.

The first prostitute isn’t even close, and the 2nd, 3rd and 4th ones aren’t either. By the time the man reaches the 5th, he’s confident that his wife really is the best at sex.

The Confessional …..

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, ‘I almost had an affair with another woman.’

The priest said, ‘What do you mean, almost?’

The Irishman said, ‘Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.’

The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put €50 in the poor box .’

In Love …..

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says “Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.”

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, “Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?”

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies “In Jenny’s room. It’s bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.”

Long range relationships …..

Bob joined in the army.

After 4 months of being in the army, his girlfriend sent him a letter saying she’d slept with 2 guys since he’d left and wanted to break-up and gor hime to return all the pictures he had of her.

Men’s Locker Room …..

Inside a men’s locker room of a golf course a mobile phone rang. Everybody stopped to listen.

A man picked up the phone and on the line was a lady, “Darling i saw a very beautiful dress, its only for £5,000 can I buy it?”

Man: “Sure darling.”