Tim to the Rescue …..
June 26, 2008
Teacher asks “Tim, why is your cat at school today?”
Advice Column …..
June 16, 2008
A lady writes in to her local newspaper’s advice column:
‘Hi, I think that my son might have a marijuana plant growing in my kitchen. What should I do?’
The next day, the answer was posted in the paper:
Second Opinion …..
June 12, 2008
This one guy has a wife who he’s shared great sex with for years. He decides that to check if his wife really is the sex goddess he believes her to be, and decides to have sex with 5 of the best prostitutes in the area to see if they are better or worse than his wife.
The first prostitute isn’t even close, and the 2nd, 3rd and 4th ones aren’t either. By the time the man reaches the 5th, he’s confident that his wife really is the best at sex.
The Confessional …..
June 5, 2008
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, ‘I almost had an affair with another woman.’
The priest said, ‘What do you mean, almost?’
The Irishman said, ‘Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.’
The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put €50 in the poor box .’
Which would you choose? …..
June 2, 2008
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.
“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
Biting Breasts …..
May 29, 2008
A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, “Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?
“Are you nuts?!!” she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.
“Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” he asks again.
