Italian Pregnancy …..

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drug store and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant! Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!”

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.

The Naked Truth …..

This guy is having an affair with a married woman and her husband comes home early from work one day. She jumps up and tells the man to go into the bathroom to hide. Just as he gets in the bathroom and she hides his clothes under the bed, the husband opens the door and comes in. He asks, ”What the hell are you doing?”

Thinking quickly, the wife says, ”Uhm…waiting for you.”

The suspicious husband looks at her in disbelief and says, ”But you’re naked.”

Second Opinion …..

This one guy has a wife who he’s shared great sex with for years. He decides that to check if his wife really is the sex goddess he believes her to be, and decides to have sex with 5 of the best prostitutes in the area to see if they are better or worse than his wife.

The first prostitute isn’t even close, and the 2nd, 3rd and 4th ones aren’t either. By the time the man reaches the 5th, he’s confident that his wife really is the best at sex.

Who’s the boss? …..

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, “Here, put these on.”

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.

“I can’t wear your trousers.” she said.

“That’s right,” said the husband, “and don’t you ever forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family.”

With that she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.”

The Confessional …..

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, ‘I almost had an affair with another woman.’

The priest said, ‘What do you mean, almost?’

The Irishman said, ‘Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.’

The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put €50 in the poor box .’

Public Embarrasment …..

An old lady went to her doctor asking for help with her sex life.

“Why don’t you just give your husband a viagra?” asked the doctor.

“He wont even take an asprin he hates pills”, the old lady replied. 

“Just put it in his coffee he will never know. Come back in a week and tell me how things went.”

Insects …..

A boy and his father were playing ball in the front yard when the boy saw a honeybee. He ran over and stomped it.

“Don’t do that, that was a honeybee,” his father said, “he wasn’t doing anything to you. For killing him you will do without honey for a week.”