Tim to the Rescue …..

Teacher asks “Tim, why is your cat at school today?”

The perfect gentleman …..

During a good manners and etiquette class being held for young children, the teacher says to her students:

“If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?”

The Ass Family …..

Enter to see picture.

Advice Column …..

A lady writes in to her local newspaper’s advice column:

‘Hi, I think that my son might have a marijuana plant growing in my kitchen. What should I do?’

The next day, the answer was posted in the paper:

Insects …..

A boy and his father were playing ball in the front yard when the boy saw a honeybee. He ran over and stomped it.

“Don’t do that, that was a honeybee,” his father said, “he wasn’t doing anything to you. For killing him you will do without honey for a week.”

Tennis Elbow …..

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.”

“Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money, ” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer’ll tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars…a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor.”

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

Cab Driver …..

A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.

“Mummy,” said the little boy, “what are all those ladies doing?”

“They’re waiting for their husbands to get off of work,” she replied.