Tim to the Rescue …..

Teacher asks “Tim, why is your cat at school today?”

Another Funny Beer Ad …..

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Arithmetic ……

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Insects …..

A boy and his father were playing ball in the front yard when the boy saw a honeybee. He ran over and stomped it.

“Don’t do that, that was a honeybee,” his father said, “he wasn’t doing anything to you. For killing him you will do without honey for a week.”

I wish I was bigger …..

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The Art of Selling …..

A kid gets a job in a small department store. On his first day, the manager shows him around,and explains that the company policy was to sell a product, with a product. The kid looked confused… so the manager said he would show him what he meant.

Now, it just so happened that a customer approached the manager and asked if they sold grass seed.

“Certainly”, pointing to the wide range of seed boxes, “and what sort of lawn mower would you like?”

The customer looked baffled, so the manager went on “Well, you will sow the grass, the grass will grow,and you will need a lawn mower to cut it”,

“I hadn’t thought of that”, says the customer, “I’ll take the lawn mower as well then”…and the customer leaves the store happy.

The Toast …..

Pat O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me lovely wife!” That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night! All the guys in the bar laughed.

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night. “She said, “Aye, what was your toast?” Pat said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh that is very nice indeed, Pat!” Mary said.