Operating Fun …..

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on.

The first surgeon said, “I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order”.

The second surgeon said, “I like operating on accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order”.

The third surgeon said, “I like operating on electricians. When you open them up everything is colour coded.

The fourth surgeon said, “I like operating on politicians.”

The Man of the House …..

A mild-mannered man was tired of his wife always bossing him around, so he went to a psychiatrist. The doctor told him he had to develop self-esteem and gave him a booklet on assertiveness training, which the man read on his way home.

When he walked through the door and his wife came to greet him he told her, “From now on I’m the man of this house and my word is law. When I come home from work, I want my dinner on the table. Now go upstairs and lay me some clothes on the bed, because I’m going out with the boys tonight. Then draw my bath. When I get out of the tub, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”

“The undertaker,” she replied.

And you thought the NHS was screwed up …..

When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised no rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians stated they were all laboring under a misconception.

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted; the Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body”, while the Pediatricians said, “Grow up!” The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Radiologists could see right through it!

The physicians thought it was a bitter pill to swallow; and the Plastic Surgeons said, “This puts a whole new face on the matter.” The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn’t hold water. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas and the Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some asshole in administration

The Blonde Patient …..

A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation. She was awake, so he examined her.

“You’ll be fine,” he said.

She asked, “How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?”

The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.

“What’s the matter, Doctor? I will be all right, won’t I?”

He replied, “Yes, you’ll be fine. It’s just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out.”

Why men shouldn’t be left unsupervised

What happens when you get caught …..

A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis.

The patient’s girl friend had found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep.

I don’t know what’s worse:

1) Having your girl friend find out you’re married.

2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.

3) Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring

The Artist …..

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.”I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.” “That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?” “The guy was your doctor.”